How to break into a house in Kenya – preferably your own

On the 28^th of February 2009, I was a bit tired. Earlier in the day I had arrived back from the Masai Mara with my parents. And now we were heading out to have food with a few of my work colleagues (including Janet who had her parents staying).

We went to Carnivore Restaurant off Lang’ata Road, which is a honey pot for tourists are supposed to go and get their fill of game meat. (In fact, the Brazilian Barbecue at the Panari Sky Centre is better, not least because it is quieter). Anyway, on the journey I get that cold dread that I’ve latched the door and padlocked the grill with the keys on the inside.

So on arriving at Carnivore I was wondering what to do. I ate for the first fifteen minutes, before deciding that some action was required, so I excused myself saying I need to go and break into the house and I’d either be back while they were eating, or they would need to get a taxi back.

I called a couple of people and they met me at the front door with hacksaws. I rang the neighbour’s doorbell, and politely explained how I would like to climb over the high wall from their garden into the garden of my house. At this point it should be noted that I’d never met the neighbour before, as the house I was breaking into I was just borrowing. He was very helpful, and even began to explain his own methods of breaking and entering his own house. I stopped him before he had divulged too much.

In the neighbours garden (in the dark), we now climbed up the bars on their windows, onto the high separating wall, and then down the other side. The barred patio door was now before us. Conveniently, the latch in the sliding door no longer worked, and so we slid it out of the way to make room for the hacksaw. I was very pleased that I hadn’t put any wood in trough.

The hacksaw did nothing to the padlock. If anything, the hacksaw was wearing out quicker than the padlock.

 

Now it was time for Plan B. We drove about 7 kilometres to an office where we knew there was a very large pair of bolt cutters that had been once bought to break into a container when the keys got lost. If nothing else, the security guards must have been a bit bemused as it was by now around 10pm. Driving back to the house, we now repeated our steps through the neighbours and over the wall. Sliding the patio door out of the way once again, we fed the bolt cutters through, and each took hold of a different arm, and pushed then together. Three seconds later we were in. Shockingly easy.

And just five minutes after this, my parents arrived having been dropped back by a taxi.

And so, the lesson was learnt. My next question was wondering what to replace the padlock with – one that was breakable, or one that will last more than three seconds. I went for the latter and made made sure that a spare key was safely stashed away.