Sunday, March 28, 2010

Hearing but not herring

The scene is that I'm walking past Nyayo Stadium on Saturday afternoon with a Kenyan friend. Inside an event is taking place with a very load MC.

Me: I don't like it when things like this are on. The constant droning from the stadium I can here from my house - really tires me out.
Friend: [Looking towards the stadium] He's a Canadian, but they're not laughing.
Me: A Canadian?
Friend: Yeah.

At this point I was confused. After a few more seconds the penny dropped ... he's a comedian.

Monday, March 22, 2010

The Preacher and the Frog

Last week I heard this short story:

One Sunday, in upcountry Kenya, there was a preacher. And he was preaching and preaching, on and on, he just kept going. By chance, a frog hopped through the open doors at the back of the church and at this the preacher paused and said "what's the frog doing here?" To which a woman near the back replied "He says 'Let my people go.'"

True story? Hope so.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Something what not to find behind the seat infront on a propeller plane...

...an international relations magazine from 1989, commenting on the Russian withdrawal from Afghanistan.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Viva la Congo

So, it's been almost two weeks since I got back from the DRC, and I still haven't written any insightful thoughts from my time there. It's fair to say that I've been a bit busy, but I'm also aware that I don't want to misrepresent eastern Congo - I'd love to tell you what's the same as in Nairobi rather than what the cost of the past few decades have been. I'll get something written soon.

Meantime, while listening to Coldplay in the office, I was reminded of the video below. It was put together by the Mark and Alison, brother and sister of Marlene who worked in Congo 2006-8 (Angi who worked with Marlene also features in a few of the shots, so here's a shout-out for her and her blog).

Friday, March 05, 2010

In the event of an emergency...


So, last Saturday, there I was sitting in my comfy leather seat on an Air Uganda plane that felt no bigger than a learjet, waiting for it to depart Nairobi en route to Entebbe, Uganda. My final destination: eastern D.R.Congo.

In the seats in front were a couple from the office who work across Francophone Africa. Their row had the emergency exit over the wings. The airhostess came to chat to them about how to open the door in the even of an emergency. This is how the spiel went:

In the event of something going wrong, the pilot will come over the intercom saying "Emergency emergency". At this point you will take the crash position with the rest of the passengers. Once we have crash landed, the pilot will switch off the 'fasten seatbelt light' at which point you can open the door. If this does not happen I will scream at you to open the door.
Wonderfully evocative language.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

"...should be good."

That's what the text message says. The Kenyan Premier League kicks off this weekend and I've been invited to watch Nairobi City Stars vs Mathare United at Amboseli ground this Sunday at 3pm.

Last year I went to the first game of the season. Remembering that day never ceases to bring a smile to my face.  Here's the account of the day from a friend I went with: http://godisintheslums.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-predict-riot.html.

Enjoy!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

What do you get if you accidentally take a gecko to Britain in your suitcase?

Answer: You get the RSPCA to come and collect the little tyke and pop it on the next flight back.

This was Tom's experience on leaving Nairobi (Tom being my younger brother). It seems that the gecko that was living amongst my socks thought his suitcase was a suitable second home. So, on Tom's arrival home to Britain, he opened the suitcase to unpack, and off scampered the gecko to find somewhere to hide. After a few days he was finally caught.

He stayed in the UK for three weeks, during which time he experienced one of the coldest winters on record. He's a young gecko - very small. If fact, you'd be able to see his heart when he's on a window with the sunlight coming through from outside. I'm not sure he ate much during his time in the UK. I half suggested that my parents should bring in the old Christmas tree from outside so all the green aphids living there will think it's spring and wake themselves and the gecko could have a feasting.

But before this point was reached, and before 'Jeff' had the chance to die, the RSPCA came, collected him and popped him on a plane to Mombasa on the Kenyan coast. I'll always be left wondering what the baggage handler at Mombasa airport must have made of this gecko in a box and perhaps a set of instructions on release - they die every day here in Kenya and are two-a-penny.

I'm not sure what the moral of the story is - maybe it's animal rights gone mad.

Oh and by way of note - consider typing in 'gecko' 'German' and 'pants' into Google and see what comes up :o)

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Tuesday 23rd December 2008

Seeing that I mentioned December 2008 in my last post, I thought the photo below may interest you. It's of a petrol tanker that has two minutes before caught fire while unloading fuel at a filling station. There were no serious injuries or fatalities. Unfortunately for me and my passenger we decided to scrap our visit to the giraffes, as though we may have been able to creep past the immense and occasionally exploding fire, it would have taken vastly longer on the return journey. (The photo was taken just as we have crossed the central reservation to return to town). Though much of the petrol station melted and burnt, it was not more than a few months before it was rebuilt.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Mulled thoughts on christmas

It’s Sunday evening. This weekend has been good. The last of the regular friends arrived back in Nairobi and everything feels relatively normal. Yesterday was chilled – a Kenyan friend came over in the morning and we cooked up a fried breakfast. I went shopping for greeting cards over at Yaya Shopping Centre – most cards in Kenya are imported from Britain and feature canal boats or sports cards. At Yaya, they have some that are locally made. I spent the afternoon in the new office building where I sought to put some substance on my plans to visit Britain later in the year. Chiefly in my mind were two questions: firstly, how long should I return for; and secondly, would it work logistically for me to visit somewhere else as part of the return journey. After several hours of searching and double checking, I think a plan has emerged, and so I’ll now go away and discuss and pray it through.

Anyway, what I wanted to write about today is Christmas in Kenya. Among those my age, we joke every November that Christmas doesn’t begin until you see a Coca Cola billboard of Santa or hear the ‘holidays are coming’ refrain. This year Christmas began for me while driving towards ‘Junction’ – there in front of me was a billboard sixty feet wide and thirty foot high, in which Santa was reclining while drinking a Coke. Nairobi is not as warm as many parts of Africa, but as ever Santa was there with his thick red coat.

The previous Christmas – my first in Kenya – I remember being intrigued that Santa could be Kenyan. My British conditioning says that Santa is white and either Scandinavian or British (possibly from Yorkshire). Is the ‘spell’ of Santa over children broken if he is a Kenyan wearing a white beard? I don’t know.

Christmas in Britain is deeply connected with all of my senses – the pricking of the Christmas tree on my fingers as we carry it into the house. The tastes and smells of mulled wine, turkey, Cranberry Sauce and alike. The claustrophobia of having far too many relatives and family members in one house. The oppressive heat of a log fire and the winter chill outside.

In Kenya, much of this is stripped away. My senses were thankfully appeased early in December when Tom (my brother) and I were invited round to a colleague’s house for mulled wine, apple cider and ‘A Christmas Carol’ – the 1970 musical version rather than the Muppets’.

I spent Christmas Day with my brother in Nairobi. The day’s before and Christmas Day itself had particularly unique flavour to them. The evening of Wednesday 23rd brought a storm through Nairobi, and unusually this one included about fifteen minutes of strong gusting wind. Tom and myself were at my house at the time – we had just conquered the roads from Westgate Mall back to my house in driving rain - by utilising every back street and with a little bit of good luck in leaving Westgate just before the storm hit we had been spared the traffic chaos and were feeling very pleased with ourselves. Around our neighbourhood, many trees were felled onto power lines and across roads, roofs and billboards toppled and neighbourhoods flooded. It was 48 hours until our power was restored.

Seeing as we had just bought some frozen turkey, and the oven was electric, Christmas therefore happened at a house in the compound next door which is used by visitors who come to Nairobi. Some of the houses had regained some power so we were hoping to find the house fully functioning. This was not quite the case – the house was experiencing a ‘brown out’ meaning the voltage was low. There were only enough volts to make the TV and the Playstation 3 function – result! We were also surprised to discover that the oven was in fact gas rather than electric – Christmas was back on schedule. We had a wonderful feast of turkey, roast potatoes, carrots, leaks, stuffing, ‘pigs in blankets’ and gravy. The food worked better than I could possibly have imagined. And while the power weakened through the morning, we were still able to listen to music and watch some DVDs off the computer.
Seeing as we were in Nairobi, on the Sunday after Christmas we made our way to church. After the service I struggled to know what to say to many of the Kenyans and Sudanese ‘refugees’ (most of the Sudanese have been in Kenya for 10 or more years now):

Me: How was your Christmas?
Them: Fine
Me: Did you have any special food to celebrate? [many Kenyans will cook Chicken and chapati, and for them it is for this reason the best day of the year.]
Them: I didn’t have money for special food.
Me: Oh, I thought you may have saved up some money. Er... I hope Christmas still felt special to you…
Them: [Awkward pause]
Not the greatest of conversations.

So that’s Christmas for another year. Hopefully next year I’ll finally get Christmas cards sent to everyone, rather than just the emergency ones to the family and a few friends. I’m thankful for the opportunity to really savour Christmas this year. I feel like it truly was Christmas and so now I’m hoping Easter will be equally memorable and special.

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

It's been a while since I last wrote. December was pleasantly hijacked by my brother visiting, And as I have now finished my January newsletter, I hope to be able to find time to share again soon - my mind is fizzing with various ideas.

I'll write again soon!